Wasting a one shot
by Jena Rink
Summary: Be warned, this is based on spoilers from season three. Jommy, Jatsy, and it's sad. enjoy!


1Wasting-

Jena Rink

February 17th

Be warned, kiddos, this contains spoilers, and mention of suicide.

I don't own the lyrics to "Don't you Dare"

"You guys go on ahead..."I told Speid and Karma, who walked off, hand in hand towards the limo, leaving me alone to stare. To think. To mull over the details of when I'd found her, dead, at the rehearsal space. There was nothing any of us could have done to stop this. As much as I wanted to. As much as I blamed myself for not being there that night, and being with Tommy, which turned up fruitless as it always had. I had been frustrated with him, asking me to produce my own album, angry that he didn't care. And I'd come to the rehearsal space to blow off steam.

Dark cloud moving

Just one fall away

Would wash away

Would wash away

The pain

She was still breathing, barely, and I'd managed to forgoe my shock and call 911. But by the time they got there, it was too late. And I was shaking. She'd left a note, one for me and one for Jamie. Mine saying it wasn't my fault, that she needed to do this, and that I'd been a good friend, fun to rock out with. I remembered feeling as if I'd never feel anything again, sitting in the corner, shaking slightly, my eyes glassy.

Speid had gotten there first, not even knowing what had happened, and his eyes flew between me and her body, which was on a stretcher, covered with a white sheet.

"Jude?" he'd asked me, his voice betraying the tears in his eyes, and I shook my head, the damn breaking as they carried her body out of the apartment.

I could say that I don't care

But the truth is I'd follow you anywhere

I've been waiting such a long long time

Don't you dare change your mind

It was a week later now, and the grief felt even more fresh.

"I could've stopped her...I should have..."I whispered quietly, staring over at the casket as it was lowered into the grave. A small cluster of people in black surrounded this, and I stared around the graveyard, amazed by the irony surrounding me. So much beauty. The green grass, the trees, the flowers, the granite. And so much death. The death of my friend, which I couldn't of stopped if I'd had the power. She was done along time ago.

"She's better...there...she's happier.."a voice suddenly said, and I frowned, turning around.

"Only if heaven has a handle of Jack Daniels..."I said quietly, my voice breaking, and turned around,"I wasn't sure if you would even show up..."I added softly.

"Yeah...well..."he stuffed his hands in his pockets awkwardly, and I studied him for the first time. He was so different. Too different. He wasn't him anymore. He hadn't been. Since he lost her? I didn't know anymore. Tear tracks were visible on his face, and his shirt was rumpled. And I noticed his fist, bleeding.

"You came out of your corporate shell for one glorious occasion?" I said, my tone biting. I didn't mean to blame him. It was just too easy. She didn't want to be here anymore. She couldn't handle it. But she got me through everything. More so than anyone else these last few months. And now she was gone.

"Jude..."he started softly, his tone pleading, and I closed my eyes tightly, willing all of this to go away. I'd be at the rehearsal space, sitting on the couch and laughing about some crazy musical adventure she was willing to go on, her eyes sparkling as she described her only passion. He'd been her passion once, but something I'd learned is that more often than not the flame fizzles out. And then there's nothing left.

I could say that I don't care

But the truth is I'd follow you anywhere

I've been waiting such a long long time

Don't you dare change your mind

"No..."I said in response,"I just lost my best friend..." I turned away from him, my back shaking softly with sobs, and tensed when he hugged me from behind.

"I've got you..."he whispered softly, and paused for a moment, confused.

"I thought I was your best friend..."he added quietly, and I turned around to face him.

"I lost you a long time ago..."I told him honestly, wrapping my arms around myself.

"To growing up? You're mad at me because I grew up?"

"You were the only thing she ever loved besides music, you know that?" I told him, my voice trembling.

"She didn't love me enough to stay..."

"Staying or going doesn't mean anything, Jamie...don't you dare blame this on her..."I said, my temper flaring.

"Why?" he asked, his voice rising.

"She was ready..."I whispered,"She didn't have anything left...she had me...but I wasn't enough..."my eyes widened at the realization, and I felt bile rising in the back of my throat.

"Jude...it's not your fault..."he said, and I was throwing up before I knew it, on my hands and knees, Jamie next to me, brushing my hair back. When there was nothing left in my stomach, I just started crying. It was as if I couldn't stop.

"Why didn't she stay?"I whispered, a hand over my mouth.

"Because she was ready..."Jamie said softly, stroking my forehead.

"Just don't forget her, okay?" I asked him softly, and he nodded.

"I never could. I could never forget her..."Jamie assured me softly, both of us getting up and making our way back to the church, his arm around my shoulders.

"Were you going to record?"he asked me quietly, and I shook my head.

"I can't focus right now. Not on anything..."I whispered softly, and he laced our fingers together.

"It'll be okay...we'll make it okay..."he assured me.

"Everything's so screwed up..."I admitted.

"He's gonna come around..."Jamie offered, and I glanced up, confused.

"Jamie..." I whispered.

Don't wander around looking for someone to replace me

Don't wander around wasting the rest of your life

Don't wander around waiting for someone else to save you

And don't you make the same mistake twice

"The way he looks at you..." Jamie explained softly,"It's like you're the light in his eyes...you can't fake that...and you can't ignore it..."

"He doesn't know what he wants..."I whispered lightly, leaning against him again as we walked towards the cars.

"Why don't you tell him what you want?"he suggested softly,"Before it's too late and you can never tell him again...you can't waste what the two of you have, Jude...you can't buy it...It's not easy..."

"I have a song..."I whispered, and he smiled softly.

"You always have a song..."he reminded me quietly, as we slid into the limo, next to Darius, Sadie, Kwest, Karma, Portia, Speid, Wally, Kyle, and Tommy, none of which were speaking.

"Sorry it took us so long..."I apologized, and Tommy glanced over at me, apology in his eyes. I tried my best to ignore it.

"It's okay..." Darius finally said, and silence permeated the car.

It would be okay. It had to be. Because if her death had taught me anything it was to go for what I wanted. And that was exactly what I was going to do.

I could say that I don't care

But the truth is I'd follow you anywhere

I've been waiting such a long long time

Don't you dare change your mind


End file.
